As we pick up the action with Crispin in what appears to be a shoulder-length woman's wig, two-tone plastic glasses, sport shirt with top collar buttoned, 70's pants with vertical stripes, black shoes with 3" heels...

Crispin: in movies that are big, and I'm a movie star, so I've been on talk shows, on the Johnny Carson show, and now I'm here and I've been all across the United States and I feel really good about it so...

(At this point, a chorus of young female voices in the audience shout out "Nice shoes!!!")

Dave: Do you enjoy the experience?

Crispin: Yes, I feel very good about them. (Glover fidgeting).

Dave: I notice you have something there in the case. (points)

Crispin: (obviously distraught at this point...voice shaky) I...I knew that this was going to happen, and I, uh, can I tell you, because the press, they can do things and they can twist things around, and...I...'cause...you're talking...I don't...look...I...(takes out a clipping)...the press says things about you in...in the...in the...paper...this is a paper, the L. A. Weekly in...in Los Angeles and they said they said about me, "La de da"...I went to a club...and they said that um -- I was at a meeting -- and they said, "Crispin Glover, who was in a [bleeped] frenzy, though his bark is actually worse than his" dot dot dot...you get the point...and...and then...

Dave: Paul, is there anything you'd like to add here?

Paul: (smiles and shakes head "no")

Crispin: and then another one they said, they said, they said, they said Crispin Glover...

Dave: (interrupts) Paul, is this, is this the first time you've seen another guy DROWN? Is this the first time you've watched another guy die?

Paul: (points in their direction, smiling) Is that...you're talking about you or him?

Dave: Yeah. No, me!

Crispin: This is the other thing they said, "Crispin Glover was pin-striped and greased up for the occasion and pressing the girl things who were trying to get next to him. Guess some people are turned on by Brylcreem®...

Dave: Yeah, well, I don't know.

Crispin: (gasping) And then...they...you, ahh, ahh...I don't know how these...

Dave: You seem to be distraught.

Crispin: (gasping) They don't...they try to make me sound a lot weird, and I'm just, I'm strong, you know, I'm strong (sliding up right shirtsleeve and flexing biceps and making fist)...and I can arm wrestle...I love...Do you wanna arm wrestle?...I've been taking...You know I...

Dave: No.

Crispin: (stands up and takes two or three steps backward, and starts to fall backward off the platform, catches himself and says about who knows what) These aren't mine. You know...I can...I can kick (lets rip with an impressive karate-style kick that lands in the air over Dave's desk)

Dave: OK (standing up)...I'm going to go check on the Top Ten (picking up a blue card and turning to walk away)

Crispin: I'm sorry (reaches out and grabs Dave's sport coat sleeve)

Dave: I'll be back.

Paul: fires up the World's Most Dangerous Band with a tune I can't name

Hal Gurnee: cuts to bumper and commercial

Dave: (coming out of commercial) OK. Welcome back to the show. We're running a little short of time tonight. I would love to have chatted a little more with Crispin Glover but...I understand...I understand he had a cab to catch, and well, traffic this time of night here in midtown is pretty brutal, and we wanted to ensure every possibility that he would get wherever he was going on time...

Dave: (sighs) Did you enjoy that, Paul?

Paul: It was, uhhh, an interesting segment...uhhh...

Dave: I think that's the first time since we've been doing the show that a guest actually tried to kick me.

Paul: (grinning) Well, I think it was a conceptual piece...

Dave: Well, he came very close to denting my head with those giant...with those giant shoes...so I thought, "I don't need that. I'm, I'm forty. I went to college. I've had a number of...I don't need...This is...that is not how I want my life ended...some goofball...some dork from wherever...

Audience: boos a little bit

Dave: Oh, stop it. Stop it. YOU wanna have dinner with the guy? (fidgets with blue cards at bit)

Dave: Uh...Let me...lemme...this is more of a rhetorical question...is the Top Ten ready?